After months of anticipation the time had arrived, yes, we were off to Austria for our 8th overseas Cricket Tour and the 3rd time in beautiful Velden. Not bad for such a small club as Beechwood.
We had all arrived amongst the chaos at Stansted Airport ready to ‘check in’, or had we? Garth had been a last minute casualty and advised us on the very morning that we were departing that he could not make the flight but would make his own way by car and would see us that very same evening for drinks at the bar! You can guess the rest.
The tourists arrived in good spirits, which lasted nearly two days this year!
Needless to say, we were all welcomed back with hugs & kisses from Elisabeth at our hotel and before you could blink an eye, most of us were stripped and in the pool! Cossies on of course!
At this time, cricket was a thing far off in the distance as we had other sporting matters to contend with! ‘Wif-waf’ (Ping-Pong to the peasants!) County trialist Larry Culhane was most keen to show off his talents with the bat (table tennis bat!) and his bravado was to be put to the test that first evening. We had all expected a ‘Chester Barnes’ type performance (I am going back a few years now – not from my memory you’ll understand, got the info off the internet, honest! I am sure Chris will remember him) but what occurred on a regular basis was defeat after defeat after defeat!
Culhane shows some of his moves that won him the all-Acton under 14s table-tennis title
Anyway, now that we were settled in we had 3 full days to entertain ourselves before the first match against Velden. Most people went off out and about Velden, mini-golf and on the boats, etc., but 3 of us went on a bike ride! Gawd, I had not ridden a bike for more years than I care to remember so at first it was ‘steady as she goes’ but, after a few hundred yards, we were off cycling our way along the pavement right by the lake heading for Maria Worth; what a fantastic way to see the Woerthersee and get fit at the same time. Needless to say, after our excursion of over 5 hours a dip in the pool followed by a sauna and then few beers pandered to our weary limbs.
On Thursday the Cavalry arrived in the form of Keith, Scott & Hamish and went straight to the bar for some strong refreshments! However, it was good to see that we now had eleven players ready for the cricket on Saturday. That evening Prashant was invited out by Elisabeth’s son Alex for a night on the town! Whilst Dodgy may well be the ‘oldest swinger in town’ he declined this offer and instead he offered up both Scott & Larry as younger replacements! In good spirits the invitation was kindly accepted and off they ventured into town to frequent the bars and clubs with both young Kim, our hotel waitress, and Phillip. Not too much is known about this escapade but Scott failed to re-appear for a considerable time, i.e. until the following evening!, and Larry (Romeo) dutifully walked Kim (Juliet) back to her house, a few yards away from the hotel in the early hours of Friday morning.
Poor old Kim, who had just had her 18th birthday; managed to somehow fall off her first floor balcony and break both her legs. Thankfully she survived this ordeal as it could have been far worse. Get well soon Kim. There was a rumour going around that Kim was being serenaded by a young man holding a rose between his teeth but I understand that this is pure speculation! Can’t think who this might be!
Brucie enquires what such a shambles of a side was doing in Austria. We then asked him the same question
On the eve of the Velden match we found out that Wigan Athletic were in town to play a pre-season friendly against Hannover 96, so off we went to support the Germans! Actually, most of us were cheering on Wigan in what was a highly competitive match for a ‘Friendly’ with tackles a plenty. The final score was 2-2 with the Germans scoring a last minute penalty to share the spoils. Steve Bruce, the Wigan Manager, was surprised to see an English following watching the match and when he found out that we were due to be playing cricket in Austria he nearly spat out his teeth! In fact, after blanking out the swear words his comments were “ **** *** *** ********”! Thank you Steve. On our way back to the hotel Velden had an ‘All White evening’, clothing that is, and the town looked rather ghostly and strange when wandering through; with only 11 players we should have gone out on a scouting mission in an attempt to unearth some cricketers!
Now we come to the cricket (although I could just fail to mention this bit of the tour and continue on with my ramblings)….! Oh well. Here goes. Saturday we lost & Sunday we lost, that’s it!
All right, I will expand. We arrived via and courtesy of Boss Cabs Incorporated (I won’t go-on Stuart!) and were ready for the off. With only 11 players now on tour we were a little weak in the batting department and so I advised Gill our host Captain of Velden of our situation, needless to say I lost the toss and we were inserted! BBQ to organise you see!
Boss Cabs picks up his first victims of the day
After 15 overs all was well, the ‘old firm’ of Makin & Freeman were still at the crease with 41 without loss on the board and drinks being taken, not bad eh? The events that followed were not so good for Beechwood, yours truly was out in the first over after the break caught behind for 12, oh b*****ks! Hamish, on his Tour debut, then came to the crease; he had just faced his 3rd delivery when a call came from you know who for a quick single, a very, very quick single, and after much hesitation a run was attempted (if you can call it that) - Hamish was out by about 5 yards. You-know-who (Keith) was later heard telling all that “an easy single was on offer” - this was probably mentioned after that 2nd marvelous bottle of Red had disappeared!
From then on wickets tumbled at an alarming rate with Keith (you-know-who) steadfast at the crease, although his demise was soon to follow (for 15) leaving us 48 for 4, which soon became 82 for 9 with Ian the only other batsman to reach double figures! The last pair of Larry & Stuart managed to bat in a most responsible manner and deserved all the plaudits for putting on 39 for the last wicket, a fine achievement indeed.
After tea, off we went in search of an improbable victory, with Scott bowling his 6 overs for a miserly 10 runs and Dodgy chipping in with 2 for 24 off 8. All the bowlers bowled well and kept as tight a rein as possible on the flow of runs, but with only 121 on the board the task was nigh on impossible. Hamish, Savors and Larry all took a wicket each but Velden cruised home with 10 overs to spare. Michael Tschernitz, also known as Mook (25), and Eric (28no) were the main contributors to the Velden innings with Eric seeing them home to a worthy victory.
We drowned our sorrows at the ground with good company, a fantastic BBQ and a barrel of beer. Mook made an excellent speech which was well received by one and all. He was especially pleased that Velden had finally beaten Beechwood and, whilst we were disappointed at losing, we could understand his joy. In reply, Tony (me) responded with thanks to our hosts for not only providing the feast, a top effort by Jim, but also for being such good hosts and for playing the game in an excellent spirit, a good way in which to play cricket. Tony & Scott were presented with Velden Cricket Caps and we, in turn, gave out caps and T-shirts a plenty. The Velden Man of the Match was Mook for his superb performance with both bat and ball - he said so himself! Actually, Mook did deserve the applause for a fine effort indeed. For those of you that do not know, Mook founded Velden Cricket Club back in 1991 after seeing cricket being played in England. What an achievement to start up a cricket club in Austria and as a Premiership Manager was heard to say on the Friday night “Cricket, f*****g cricket, in Austria, they must be f*****g s**t”! In strong defence of Velden CC we did confirm that they were better than us!
Good beer and tucker as always from our hosts!
Anyway, with a few remaining at the ground the rains came, a monsoon that lasted hours and hours and put in to doubt Sunday’s match. Scott, Larry & Hamish huddled beneath the canopy at the cricket ground with Jim, Emlyn, Jo, Eric and a few more of the Velden lads just to make sure that the beer barrel was finished off! Good effort lads & lass. At the same time as the ‘Great Storm’ Ian had arranged for the Tour Quiz to take place and with Ian hosting the show with his glamorous assistant Mandy as adjudicator. We were off, 3 teams, I can’t remember the names so I will just guess; the Golden Oldies, Boss Cabs and the 3 Wise Men (Chris & Steve knowing almost everything about nothing! If you ever need a ‘Phone-a-Friend then these are the boys). I cannot recall the scores now but I know that Boss Cabs came a close 2nd to the 3 Wise Men, whilst the Golden Oldies’ memories had just faded away! I will get it for this!
Morning had arrived and no sun, just the remnants of last night’s storm so we were unsure as to whether or not our 2nd cricket match would be on. Anyway, off we went at 10.00am on our way to the ground and, to our surprise, the outfield was in pretty good shape with no surface water whatsoever; the sun was even out on what was to become a lovely day.
Keith took charge of this 12-a-side match and he won the toss and decided to take the field (only 11 fielders at any one time). From the onset Graz were keen to amass a large total with Vinajek making a very quick and classy 50 before retiring and Irfan scoring 33 in their total of 223 for 9. Larry, Chris, Emlyn and Prashant all took 2 wickets and Ian took 1.
A stunning backdrop presided over some very ordinary cricket
In reply our innings never really got started and we were in trouble from the onset. Larry was promoted to open the innings after his fine effort with Stuart the previous day but, unfortunately, it was not to be his day or the team’s day with the bat. 124 all out and this was mainly thanks to a rear guard last wicket partnership of 64 between Stuart (6no) and Chris (33) to bring some respectability to our day. The only other people to reach double figure were Keith (13) and Prashant (14). Sajid took 3 for 9 and Mumir took 4 for 11 in the Graz fielding display. One thing that should be mentioned is Stuart’s performance with the bat and his determination to stay at the crease come what may; not out on tour, good effort Stu.
At the end of the match we had Beechwood’s own Player of the Tour to vote for amongst ourselves and this proved to be a close contest with Prashant, Larry and Chris all performing well. Special mention should go to Larry for to bowl and bat as well as he did on his first overseas tour was a great effort. However, it was Chris who got the nod not only for his bowling but for his steadfastness with the bat and scoring a resilient and fine 33 against Graz. Good effort Chris and well done to both Larry & Prashant for your performances in difficult circumstances. Both Ron and Jo were awarded their medals for keeping the scorebook going, although we did not tax them too hard this year! Also, Emlyn was presented with a medal for his worthy stint of umpiring in the first match. Without such contributions to the Tour we would all end up having to do our share of these tasks, so a big thank you all round from us players.
At least the scorers could hold their heads up high
After the match we went back to the hotel and sat around the ‘Kelly’ table reminiscing old cricket stories to our hosts, Jim, Jo and Emlyn; a good way to end the day, recounting old tales with fond memories. After a while Jo and Emlyn went off back to Graz and that was it, the cricket was over. It is a pity that we did not perform as well as we could have expected but all the same we had an enjoyable time.
Larry poses with a comedy cultural parody, and between them is a statue
Monday came and we had the official Tour Day-Trip to Tscheppaschlucht (try saying that after a few beers, in fact try saying that without any!) which turned out to be a pleasant stroll through some mountains! Hiking boots were not a plenty as we strode off over bridges, through gorges and climbing/clambering along cliff walkways; not for the feint hearted! The trek took quite a few hours. At the end of the road we had expected to receive our medals for completing the course, but no such luck! The views were stunning and the waterfall absolutely beautiful so all in all a good trip out, all thanks to Tina & Lyn for their fund raising activities; thank you ladies, from all of us.
When we returned from our trip there were a few already seated around the pool catching some ‘rays’ and Keith was one of them. Now, you probably had to be there to appreciate this but I will tell you anyway. Keith, in his wisdom, purchased some sun-cream lotion for a bit of protection to his skin and baldy head. Now that may not appear too unusual until you realise it was children’s sun-cream, i.e. it was coloured green and yes, he did have a GREEN head! I have not laughed so much in ages, I was bent over double with stomach cramp and ‘P’ ing myself with laughter so, when little Kieron came up to me and said “Keefs got a green head, he’s got a green head” well, that put us all in fits of laughter and finished me off completely, what a sight to behold!
Do not adjust your sets... KHM once again is the centre of attention, and mockery
On Tuesday some were homeward bound but for the die hards we had another couple of days to enjoy the lake and the beautiful surrounds. Most of us continued to eat well at the hotel for the remaining time we had and enjoyed the pool, sauna and damproom. By this time the County ‘Wif-waf’ Trialist had yet to find his form. However, 2012 is a few years away so with any luck we may see a resurgence of his form and that ‘Medal Table’ increasing by one, you never know! Get that Dining Room table out!
The day of our departure had arrived so it was one last dip in the pool before our sad but fond farewells to Elisabeth & Rudi and the other guests whose company we had enjoyed, along with the hope that we would be back next year.
Everyone at the hotel turned out to ensure that we left the country (at least for another year)
With all the hassle we had encountered at Stansted we were hoping to ease through the ‘Check in’ at Klagenfurt; not a chance. Excess weight proved to be a major problem and Colin, in his element, took charge of redistributing all and sundry from bag to bag in order that we may reduce the hefty excess weight charges! With the kind assistance of the ‘Check in’ girl, and Colin, we managed to get the excess weight down but still a few quid was due. However, with a bit of luck and Freeman charm (!) we ended up paying a small amount for the (still) vastly overweight luggage.
That’s it really. We all had a great time and were royally looked after by our hosts, both Elisabeth & Rudi and our cricket hosts Velden.
